the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
