im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
