I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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