had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
