Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
