What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
