So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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