As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
