So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
