I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
