I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
worst night to have a conscience
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
