They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
