What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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