Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
