So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
