When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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