i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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