Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
third nipple confirmed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
