I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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