You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
