What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
