My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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