how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize