Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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