Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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