If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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