my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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