I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
