I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.