Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
  Replies (31) Good night (1130) Bad night (3820)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

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  (541): for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college http://tfl.nu/6h6z
  Replies (30) Good night (9017) Bad night (756)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.

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  (505): Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath. http://tfl.nu/rm8d
  Replies (12) Good night (2940) Bad night (776)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.

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  (740): He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker. http://tfl.nu/ldq8
  Replies (18) Good night (3837) Bad night (2031)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

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  (412): Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after http://tfl.nu/0llh
  Replies (11) Good night (4713) Bad night (1041)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.

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  (720): Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from. http://tfl.nu/0y1z
  Replies (4) Good night (1422) Bad night (635)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.

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  (502): I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high. http://tfl.nu/gsqh
  Replies (8) Good night (2030) Bad night (772)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"

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  (425): Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?" http://tfl.nu/b210
  Replies (5) Good night (1245) Bad night (532)
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  (858): View more from California

  I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.

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  (858): I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out. http://tfl.nu/k2ug
  Replies (7) Good night (575) Bad night (837)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back

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  (734): It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back http://tfl.nu/xmyb
  Replies (8) Good night (615) Bad night (1524)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.

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  (985): I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on. http://tfl.nu/xcia
  Replies (11) Good night (698) Bad night (2091)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.

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  (641): I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it. http://tfl.nu/0z7a
  Replies (5) Good night (477) Bad night (878)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.

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  (229): Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time. http://tfl.nu/fz3l
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (418)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich

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  (201): And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich http://tfl.nu/6ewp
  Replies (0) Good night (381) Bad night (322)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.

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  (703): Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire. http://tfl.nu/ujca
  Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (162)

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