I bet he comes in French.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.