i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
