I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
