how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
