All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
