So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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