the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
