a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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