Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
