Just cropdusted the office
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
