chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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