Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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