You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
