I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
