Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
