I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
