My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
