Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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