i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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