There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
