Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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