While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
