plz talk dirty to me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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