Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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