I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
