my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
