we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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