There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
