Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
