three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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