nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
