shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
