In the future we'll all be gay
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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