He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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