Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
