She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
