My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
