Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
