I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
