Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
